Let’s cut through the noise: You taught your child to say “please” and “thank you.”
And yet—somehow—they just rolled their eyes at a waitress, ignored their grandmother’s hello, and treated a teacher’s request like a suggestion.
And yet—somehow—they just rolled their eyes at a waitress, ignored their grandmother’s hello, and treated a teacher’s request like a suggestion.
So whose fault is that?
The parents who “coddle too much”?
The schools that “don’t discipline anymore”?
The TikTok algorithm rotting their moral compass?
The schools that “don’t discipline anymore”?
The TikTok algorithm rotting their moral compass?
Here’s the uncomfortable truth no one wants to admit: Respect isn’t taught. It’s caught. And right now, we’re all failing the mirror test.
The Great Blame Game (And Why It’s a Lie)
We love pointing fingers. Parents blame teachers for not “commanding authority.” Teachers blame parents for raising “entitled” kids. Politicians blame culture. Culture blames technology.
But watch what happens when a child walks into a room:
- They don’t mimic the words you preach at dinner.
- They mimic the tone you use when the barista gets your order wrong.
- They don’t remember your lecture about kindness.
- They remember how you spoke about their uncle after he lost his job.
Children aren’t listening to your curriculum on respect.
They’re studying your behavior like anthropologists—and taking notes.
They’re studying your behavior like anthropologists—and taking notes.
The Three Silent Teachers (And Which One You’re Ignoring)
1. Parents: The First Mirror
Yes—you’re responsible. But not in the way you think. It’s not about forcing apologies or chore charts. It’s about this: Did your child just watch you hold the door for a stranger—or sigh dramatically when someone walked too slowly ahead of you? Respect isn’t a rule you enforce. It’s a rhythm they absorb from how you move through the world.
Yes—you’re responsible. But not in the way you think. It’s not about forcing apologies or chore charts. It’s about this: Did your child just watch you hold the door for a stranger—or sigh dramatically when someone walked too slowly ahead of you? Respect isn’t a rule you enforce. It’s a rhythm they absorb from how you move through the world.
2. Schools: The Social Laboratory
Teachers don’t “teach respect” in a lesson plan. They model it when they kneel to meet a crying kindergartener’s eyes. Or betray it when they shame a struggling student in front of peers. Schools don’t build character—they reveal whether the foundation you laid at home was solid or sand.
Teachers don’t “teach respect” in a lesson plan. They model it when they kneel to meet a crying kindergartener’s eyes. Or betray it when they shame a struggling student in front of peers. Schools don’t build character—they reveal whether the foundation you laid at home was solid or sand.
3. Society: The Uninvited Guest at Your Dinner Table
Here’s the sting: Your child watches you demand respect while you mock public figures online, cut off drivers without a blink, or dismiss service workers as invisible. Then you wonder why “please” feels optional to them.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. And you cannot model respect you don’t genuinely feel for others.
Here’s the sting: Your child watches you demand respect while you mock public figures online, cut off drivers without a blink, or dismiss service workers as invisible. Then you wonder why “please” feels optional to them.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. And you cannot model respect you don’t genuinely feel for others.
The Brutal Question No Parent Wants to Answer
What if the reason your child struggles with respect isn’t that they haven’t been taught—
—but that they’ve been taught too well by watching you?
—but that they’ve been taught too well by watching you?
- They’ve learned that respect is conditional (we’re polite to bosses, rude to cashiers).
- They’ve learned it’s transactional (we’re kind when we want something).
- They’ve learned it’s performative (we smile for photos, seethe in traffic).
Children don’t lack a moral compass.
They’re just following the needle you’ve set.
They’re just following the needle you’ve set.
So Whose Responsibility Is It?
Yours.
Not as a perfect parent. Not as a martyr.
But as a human being willing to ask: “When my child mimics me today—exactly as I am, not as I preach—will I be proud of what they replicate?”
Not as a perfect parent. Not as a martyr.
But as a human being willing to ask: “When my child mimics me today—exactly as I am, not as I preach—will I be proud of what they replicate?”
Teaching respect doesn’t happen in a lecture.
It happens when you:
It happens when you:
- Apologize sincerely after losing your temper.
- Thank the janitor by name.
- Disagree with someone online without dehumanizing them.
- Let your child see you choose patience over pride.
That’s when respect stops being a lesson—and becomes a legacy.
Now ask yourself:
The last time your child saw you treat a “difficult” person with genuine grace…
When was it?
The last time your child saw you treat a “difficult” person with genuine grace…
When was it?
Don’t answer out loud.
Your child already knows.
Your child already knows.
